Anytime Attraction

Winging with Jim and Jimmy: Blasting out of Intermediate Purgatory (Part 3 of 4)

Category: Theory & Stories


Reading time: 5 minutes


I was enjoying a post-coital nap with a girl I had just met a few days prior.

My eyes were closed but my heart was thumping loudly in my chest. I couldn’t WAIT to celebrate the victory alone in private (and then with the world ).

Usually I love the post-coital snuggles (hence the nickname Hugzy), but this time I just could not contain my excitement for 2 reasons.

Firstly, it was my first fclose where I knew exactly what I was doing from start to finish. I had finally figured out step-by-step how to go from open to fclose (see One Percenters below), and the element of luck was reduced to the point where I can say: “I was in control the whole way”.

But more importantly, it was my first fclose since breaking up with The Witch. An one-itis who ticked all the boxes and I actually thought I was going to marry.

Starting out as an AFC but coming the full circle to meeting my perfect girl

I thought I had the fairytale ending to my 10 year journey.

three girls making out

Almost fell at where many had fallen before me… It was no fairytale

What I ended up getting, deservedly I might add, was a GOOD emotional fist fuck and an one-way ticket to the abyss. It got to the point where I actually thought about ending myself because I didn’t know if I could ever come back from the rock bottom I was in ← im both proud and ashamed to admit it.

I was performing extremely poorly at everything I did (excelling makes me happy, knowing I could do better makes me extremely sad), my masculinity was at an ALL time low (I acted like a bitch just to get her approval), and worst of all, I had completely lost belief in myself.

It was a dark dark place to be.

But during those darkest hours, you will meet your true self.

No amount of friends, family, or support can help you through. (They can give you a crucial push which MIGHT just be the difference maker to you still waking up the next day). But to walk through the blades of knives, you are on your own.

But the positive of this situation is that you do not need anything you don’t already have to get through it (it is a moment where we are really all equal as human beings - inside the belly of the whale).

You cannot blame anything that you previously held onto as an excuse for your failures in life.

A good degree will not help you.

An infinite amount of money will not help you.

A million followers on Twitter will not help you (they may write you a good eulogy).

Just you, and only you, can outlast the pain.

Maybe this is where some religious people describe their spiritual encounter with their god (whomever that may be).

But for me, I was one step closer to finding out who I was during that darkest hour before dawn.

I found out I could outlast the pain.


*Rewind to the present moment*

So why did I tell you such a dark story? It is to give you a bit of context as to what level of pain you may have to endure to reach that final stage in your journey (I believe to achieve mastery in any field you will need to endure a similar experience)

But after going through an experience like that… getting rejected by a couple of girls really becomes insignificant… and AA disappears.

what you become after the storm

What you become after the storm...

Now that experience laid the foundations to escaping the Intermediate Purgatory, but (unfortunately) a lot more is required to blast out of it.

As I mentioned last week, it is the culmination of many one percenters that gets you to mastery of any journey. I will go through the ones that helped me.

If you are an intermediate (5 to 20 lays), chances are you are quite socially calibrated now. So if you are stuck, read through the list and give yourself an HONEST self assessment (not easy to do).

I promise you, it will trigger some realisations about your game that is not perfect (not saying any intermediates think they are perfect, but usually we get to the point where we actually don’t KNOW what we are doing wrong anymore). It happens when you have traveled the path further than most.

Anyway, without further ado...


The One Percenters


Fun and flirty energy

Similar to a university degree to a white collar job, this is THE prerequisite to doing well in pickup.

It’s about feeling good, being happy AND HORNY before you go out and present yourself to the world.

If you have that fun/flirty vibe, it gives the girls permission to feel the same (similar in social situations where everyone is waiting and wanting for that one person to lead the party). The stronger your frame, the stronger your positive aura which people in general love associating to (works the other way too, if you feeling miserable and sorry for yourself all the time, no one will want to attach themselves to that energy).

However, if you are only happy but have no sexual intent, you are the dancing monkey that receives a round of applause at the end of your juggling acts before the crowd disperses (ie. you get her number (the applause) and never hear from her again). Being funny alone doesn’t get you laid.

If you only have “intent” but no fun energy, you are a Japanese train creep (a chikan ).

As an intermediate, you tend to go out with just a flat energy (because you’ve been there, done that, and you feel like there is nothing to prove anymore). If your results have been plateauing, you need to check whether you have been going in HARD with both fun and intent.


Self amusing

One of the best ways to generate that fun energy is when you are self-amusing. What you find funny, others will share the joy with you.

It will trigger that fun energy in the other person.

Is your conversation a bit too serious?


Express, not impress

The opposite of being self-amusing, is TRYING to impress, which looks like this:

“Oh do you like puppies? I love puppies”

“Oh you like music? I play the piano, flute and guitar!”

“Do you like that? OH WOW I like that too!!”

It’s great when a girl says those things to YOU (means she is on the path to fellating you). But when you say those self-qualifying things to her, it generates a very needy, rapport seeking aura which no one likes (guys or girls)...

As an intermediate, chances are you are doing REALLY well in life in general. You have so many things going for you it’s easy to feel impressed by yourself, and you try to pick up girls by bombarding her with your achievements.

But as a lover, she doesn’t care about your materialistic achievements, she only cares about what’s underneath (both in your core and in your pants )


Rapport BREAKING Aura

...which leads on to the next point.

You want to have a rapport BREAKING aura where you don’t really care for her approval, and you are just expressing yourself as a man. This doesn’t mean you overstep the mark and bully her (miscalibrated), but it involves you teasing her in a fun, non-judging way.

“Haha I was with my last boyfriend for 6 months, he was so boring”

“What… you are NOT a virgin?! ; )” is an example of a fun, flirty, rapport breaking comment.

For intermediates, don’t try to learn these “lines”, a specific line or routine that works for one person rarely works for another.

What you SHOULD learn is how to get into that state where these mildly sexual, flirty, teasing comments just flow out of you naturally.

To get into that state, it is 1/3 inner game (be free from outcome, letting go of your ego), 1/3 outer game (integrating fun lines, routines and stories that are tried and tested), and 1/3 your ecosystem of positivity (ie. sorting out your LIFE outside the game - aka getting your shit together).


Be Self-deprecating

There are 2 ways this can be very endearing to girls and people in general.

  • A) Taking the piss out of yourself when you are a person of value, or

  • B) taking the piss out of a stereotype insecurity that applies to you (eg. fat, short, ugly, certain race). But only works if you are genuinely not insecure about it - strong inner game required.

Option A) applies especially to those who are doing quite well in life. The higher you are in the social ladder, the more endearing it is when you take the piss out of yourself (don’t over do it, it’s a sign of low self esteem).

Sample:

Regular intermediate guys: “I am an investment banker who like to go for a spin in my BMW on the weekends”

Or

“Oh yeah I work for KPMG, I am a supervisor and team leader”

No one gives a fuck how good you are when you qualify yourself (you are impressing, not expressing).

If you are going down the provider route, telling her those things will give you a higher chance than if you are a janitor struggling to pay your bills.

But it is not what girls are looking for in an emotionally charged, fun, lover relationship.

Option B) applies when you are no longer insecure about something that might cause insecurity in a regular person (shows you have high self-esteem).

Samples:

(if you are fat) “I am professional tennis player, I’m working on my abs”

(if you are Asian) “I play ping pong for China, it’s my day off”

(if you are fat AND asian) “here, feel the abs =P”

(if you are a successful musician) “We can form a band, I play the triangle ; )”

(if you are a successful financial consultant) “I have something very serious to tell you… I’m actually Batman”

All of these statements are said with a fun, tongue-in-cheek, self amusing vibe. Again, don’t learn the lines, learn how to generate that energy.

Don’t take yourself too seriously :O)


Treat her as a human, not a science project

You know that feeling when you used the same stop, same opener, the same lines, in the same way for the 100th time?

You no longer see the girl as a human being, but as a scientific object.

The aura you generate is one of “I just want to jack off into someone… ANYONE”. A man with no standards just desperately seeking to gain validation off anyone who is willing to provide it to you.

It is not a good aura… and she can sense it.

The way to counter this is to FORCE yourself to open in a slightly different way. It can be using a different line, in a different situation (try a crowded bus stop), or a different type of girl you are used to.

Once you break out of your soul-draining robotic routine, your aura will change for the positive and the results will follow.

If you blow out hard because you are trying something you are not used to? Even better


RAMP up the sexuality aka Play to win, not to not-lose

When you are intermediate, you will encounter many sets who will be head-over-heels just by the fact that you approached her with a strong sense of masculinity (aka BALLS).

With those sets, it is NOT acceptable to start playing “nice” and take a number. You must learn to express yourself to the point where her impression of you goes from “oh he was a pretty nice guy” to “WOW it feels like I’ve known him for years… is he my soul mate?!”

Push past your safe boundaries, it is the only way to succeed.


Fun/miscellaneous:

Inject a bit of fun into the interaction that does not follow the normal trajectory. Eg. story telling (tell her a quick story about your childhood that relates to your topic of conversation), palm reading (amazing), role playing etc can trigger a sexually CHARGED convo.

Just something that breaks the mould from the regular intermediate-nice-guy game which looks like this:

*confident statement of intent* - “I think you are pretty”

*confident, nice friendly chat* - “I agree with everything you say”

*confidently take her number and run* - “Would you like to catchup for a coffee”

I deliberately put in ‘confident’ because many beginners think confidence is the be-all-and-end-all. But confidence alone won’t cut it at this stage (every intermediate she meets is confident or above - you have to be uniquely “you”).


Rather let her go, than agree with her just to keep her approval

If you agree with her (even though you don’t believe in it), you will get found out later on in the interaction.

If she says or does something that your core genuinely disagree with, it is better to express yourself rather than stand there nodding agreeably.

Challenge her frame by expressing your true beliefs (can range from insignificant topics such as the weather or hobbies, to more deeper topics such as religion and problems with society).

IF she walks away after you tell it as you see it, you will feel your core masculinity rise (because you did the right thing).


Lastly: Be willing to let your ego die

This is unfortunately something no one can teach you or force you to do (it is what that traumatic experience with the witch gifted me).

Good mentors can temporarily instill that “get laid or die trying” attitude in you, but it is something that comes to you when the time and circumstances are right.

Events that can trigger that steely edge are:

  • After breaking up with the most amazing girl, who wholeheartedly loved you for you. But sacrificed herself just because she knew you wanted to fuck more girls (and couldn’t settle down with her).

  • After getting FIST FUCKED (emotionally) by a girl you loved, only to find out she has 2 kids and was sleeping with “Big B” from the convenience store.

    Other events of equal or higher traumatic proportions can also trigger that seismic identity shift.


Conclusion

Phew that was an essay wasn’t it? Yes I know it is information overload and you won’t be able to pick all that up in one go. But when I was stuck in that frustrating plateau, I was crying out for a list like that.

Whether it is directly helpful or not, doesn’t matter, it should give you plenty of food for thought.

Is pickup a science (ie. if you did ALL of the above will she automatically push you onto the bed and ride you? Or if you missed one of the above, she will 100% flake on you?) - ABSOLUTELY not.

The best pickups are often naturally flawed, yet they yield the best results.

But if you are stuck in the intermediate purgatory, chances are you are CONSISTENTLY omitting one or more of the above from your game.

Be honest, drop your pride, and self assess.

You WILL find the answer.

Next Episode: Jimmy’s Results (Part 4 of 4)

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