Category: Theory & Stories
Reading time: 6 minutes
Hello and g’day to everyone, especially those working hard to get to where they want to get to in life.
Recently everyone around me seems to have been doing it tough. There is Buv who recently returned from his tour of North East Asia… where he tasted a variety of the finest Asian spices, sang karaoke at Cashbox, and visited Coco at the Prunus Pavillion. He is currently battling the flu.
And there was Juju who only flew business class back from his honeymoon in Europe. During the sleepless flight, he had to witness his team scrape a bore draw against the high flying Brighton (le Sands) Albion and Hove. Getting married and supporting Arsene FC, it is surely too much for any man to endure.
And of course, no one has been doing it tougher than Jimmy the Jay, who is on the treacherous path to illumination.
Last week, we summarised Jimmy’s strengths and sticking points (below):
Determination and fearlessness (rather die than not succeed);
Humble personality and willingness to listen;
His overall Sex Market Value.
Overly satisfied with small victories;
Lacking social experience;
Stubborn belief that inner game rules all.
Let’s dive a bit deeper into the sticking points this week.
Overly Satisfied With Small Victories
One of the most common sticking points when you learn pickup, is the ease at which men become satisfied.
Most of us (myself included), tend to run and eject from the set at the first injection of validation.
Depending on your starting point and where you are at in your journey, we “cash out” at different stages.
A hard case noob (or even a noob in general) will be over the MOON when they get their first number off cold approaching.
The validation they receive from this new experience will be on par with an expert getting their first threesome.
Anyone with some experience doing cold approaches will know that a number means almost nothing, and you need to fill the interaction with much more substance to avoid the flake.
But for that hardcase noob, his subconscious and ego has achieved its “goal”, and there is no longer any need for that masculine, do-or-die attitude to push the interaction further.
Jimmy suffers from this more than most, where his ego would slam down the brakes once it has gotten its fix of validation, and goes into self-sabotage mode.
I would see him charge into a set full of masculine energy, flip the girl’s mood with his unique wit (flip from apathetic to head-over-HEELS), and then suddenly I see Jimmy transform into a complete gamma male (an echelon below beta AFC).
It is really sad to see when it happens, but luckily Jimmy has found a solution to this problem. I will let him share his secrets one day.
Lacking Social Experience
Another common problem affecting those whose best friend is their Intel processor for the first 18 years of their life.
Being social is not hard once you become accustomed to all the etiquettes and learn how to deal with the ever-evolving social situations. But as a typical gamer-cum-IT programmer, Jimmy is finding out that the manner you order food at a restaurant, knowing about things outside the game (like what’s happening in the real world), and how you deal with unexpected social situations actually play a big part in whether you get the lay with the girl.
There are no shortcuts to this problem (as with most of the problems at the intermediate stage), the only way is to gather first hand experience in many of these situations, become comfortable with them, and knowing you can deal with any circumstances which may arise throughout the interaction.
Jimmy will be fine after a few more years of exposing himself to society (he is only 21).
Stubborn Belief that Inner Game Rules All
This is more specific to Jimmy and the portion of the pickup community who tend to overly focus on one side of the coin in the inner game versus outer game debate.
The truth is, both are key. Bit like is mentality more important than skills and talent in elite sports?
If you have the ability (outer game) but suffer from being mentally weak (inner game), you will be found out when the going gets tough. In sports: you will be exposed as spineless, unable to rise when the spotlight gets too bright; in pickup: you will be exposed as a phony, a man putting on a mask to manipulate to a lay.
But if you only rely on being mentally strong, and have no talent, you are just a crap player, a scrub. The approach is akin to hoping to get into FC Barcelona or Golden State Warriors (equivalent of fclosing a 9 or above) by being a mentally strong but talentless player.
You need both to become Kobe, to become MJ.
Jimmy is extremely biased towards inner game, because he believes that when he obtains that rather-die-than-fail mentality, all outer game issues will auto-correct. What he doesn’t realise is that SOME of the outer games quirks will auto-correct (like his posture, tonality, his willingness to escalate) but not EVERYTHING.
Having good inner game doesn’t suddenly fix your jump shots when you are a career 30% shooter, you just need to work on your jump shot.
Given we are at the crossroads of Jimmy’s development, I cannot be certain of the exact outcome in the near future, but the 3 most probable paths Jimmy can take are:
A. Jimmy actually SUCCEEDS with his inner-game-trumps-all approach and I am proved wrong - I will be more than happy to admit it and applaud Jimmy all the way;
B. Jimmy proceeds with his approach, realise outer game is actually important after a period of time (say 6-12 weeks), and balances his approach to become successful;
C. Jimmy realises NOW that outer is actually important, saves 6-12 weeks and balances his approach to become successful (I actually do not recommend this option because one must walk their own path to gain the answer they seek - the wisdom is in the journey, not the destination, hence why when friends or parents say “I told you should’ve done x,y,z 4 years ago” - it is completely irrelevant)
Whatever the path, the common denominator is that Jimmy will succeed. And that is all we hope for.
And that concludes a not-so-epic 6 part trilogy similar to LOTR or Harry Pothead.
Hopefully whoever is reading this, whether you are a hardcase beginner like Jimmy or an intermediate like Jim, if it can trigger just ONE thing that is the catalyst to your transformation, Jimmy and I will be most proud.
Good luck on YOUR path to illumination160 views