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The maid of honour slept quietly in my arms. I held her tightly, stroking her face whilst my mind raced.
The fragrance of her sweet perfume filled the air, and filled up my bulging pants. It was either Lancome - Midnight Rose… or Ralph Lauren - Blue… whichever it was… it was making me precum like a loose tap.
I kissed her forehead gently and caringly, but in reality I was hoping it would wake her up... so I can ask for permission to put my throbbing manhood in her mouth.
“Will you stay with me?” - she asked, suddenly, with her eyes still closed
“Yes” - I lied blatantly.
My flight was departing in 18 hours, Connie was waiting for me back in Sydney.
But I had feelings for her. We only met in the morning, but we had hit it off during the wedding. I helped her with the wedding decor, she made me a floral pocket square. It felt like a scene from one of those erection ads, except I maintained mine throughout the day… it was quite discomforting.
“Will you forget me if we have sex?” - a typical question you get during LMR… but it means you are very close to the prize as long as you don’t say something stupid.
“I will never forget the fun we had today… hiking up the mountains in our full wedding outfits, freezing on Kombi van back… “ - Never give a straight yes or no, it was a line my friend Buv had taught me. Buv is a self made millionaire before turning 30, and one of the few people I know who married the right woman.
I recited the line as I pecked her cheek intermittently.
“And no matter what happens, I will remember today with a smile… and at the end of the day, memories is all we will have.”
On the last peck, she turned her head and our tongues met - violently. It was the built up tension from the whole day, being released like a dam in Alabama (or is it Warragamba?).
I quickly unbuckled myself, unveiling my pulsating, precum-stained Hugzy…
The most exciting moment of the ENTIRE pickup process had arrived (for me, it’s when you take off your cum-stained pants or when you see her hairy vag for the first time).
“Will you come to visit me every year?” - The final token resistance.
“Yes” - I meant it when I said it...
Melanie closed her eyes and my charcoal shaded shaft disappeared into her mouth.
“I love you” - as a warm tear rolled down her cheek...
Love is in the air… and all over her mouth if Buv had his way
Yesterday I attended one of my best friends Juju's wedding, and it was quite the jovial affair… nice ambience (pronounced on-bee-yawns, it’s french), heart-felt messages, and a maid-of-honour trying her best to impress despite the obviously public-speaking-o-phobia.
The day reminded me of my own encounter with a bridesmaid once upon a time.
From my humble experiences, one of the most joyous things in life is meeting new girls in exotic locations: arrival gate at an overseas airport, aisle 5 at the local supermarket, during the property inspection of a rental application (stories for another day)… variety really is the spice of life.
And of course, crashing a wedding and sweeping a bridesmaid off her feet is definitely on many people’s fantasy list.
But as you may have already found out, it is nowhere NEAR as easy as they make it out to be in the movies.
You really only have a few windows of opportunity to leap in like a donkey and take your prey.
And through all the weddings I have attended, there are only 3 realistic opportunities to do so.
A quick mental note before we start: single ladies at weddings, who are watching another girl getting married (doesn’t matter how close), whilst they’re alone in this scary world...are looking to mate and inseminate - that’s putting it lightly.
They just need a D, any size, any shape (any time attraction )… long, short, in the shape of a crossaint … you name it.
The BEST way is if you know the couple getting married, and ask them to sit you next to a single girl (equivalent of feeding a piece of meat to a hungry lion - or in this case, a thirsty donkey - “eeeyore eeeyore”
But putting aside the option to use “power overwhelming”, the 3 best opportunities during a wedding to meet the girl of your dreams are:
Before the ceremony
During the reception
On the dance floor
Before the Ceremony
This is your BEST opportunity to establish rapport with a girl. Usually 100% of the time, people are very friendly at weddings, as long as you are not a complete social robot.
Get in early (not 2 hours early), be social (it is a social event), and do not be shy when you meet that single girl. She will be just as interested in meeting you, as you are meeting her.
Tip for beginners: greet the FIRST girl you see, doesn’t matter if she is with another girl, with her boyfriend, or with her mom. This will open up a world of opportunities later on (they will know other people) and stop you from leering at one particular girl across the room for 30 minutes as anxiety accumulates inside you.
During the Reception
If you already established a warm foundation with a girl by this stage then congratulations, there will opportunities throughout the reception for you to waltz over to her seat to either continue your fun chat, or ask her for a dance.
If you haven’t made contact with anyone by this stage (because you were breathing oxygen through a plastic bag from the social anxiety), there is still hope for you. But the key here is to be concise. You will get opportunities throughout dinner (when she goes for a walk or someone next to her leaves their seat), but there is ZERO time for approach anxiety or over analysing. You see the window, you MUST go.
Failing at both stages, you arrive at your last opportunity...
On the Dance Floor
This is like clubbing, but the difficulty is reduced from 150cc with no items, to 50cc with 3 red shells. The girls are much more friendlier, but it doesn’t mean you can approach like a chump and get the result of a champ.
I strongly recommend establishing SOME sort of connection with a girl or 2 during the first two stages above, then it becomes much easier to ask them directly to the dance floor.
You don’t have to be Usher or Michael Jackson. Feeling relaxed and enjoying the girl’s company is MUCH more important than trying to impress her by spinning on your head. The music and the fun atmosphere will naturally help you pump her state and escalate.
It is how you FEEL here, rather than what you do, that is the most important.
Of course if you can’t seal the deal on the day (eg you established great rapport but you are a complete tragic on the dance floor), feel free to take a number, the flake rate is VERY low (relatively) due to the warm nature of the approach.
But in reality, you should be there to celebrate your friend’s big day, because it’s NOT about you. And when you are genuinely enjoying yourself and your friends’ company, good things will come naturally.
PS. for those who are interested to:
Find out how to be promiscuous whilst being married;
Save over 20% at your wedding - average Sydney wedding is $40,000;
Gain financial freedom by the age of 40 (so you have more time to pickup girls at weddings)
Feel free to visit Buv’s blog.
PPS. Only 2 of the 3 above are true ; )
Until next time… happy humping.506 views